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Archive for January, 2009

Giddy

I’m not sure how you found me but thank you, Emily Jensen, for featuring my “Someday…” post as your Mini Moment in today’s Deseret News Mormon Times Bloggernacle.  I’m giddy!

Have a wenderful weekend!

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Faking it…

me-no-glasses

One good thing came of the trainwreck this week.

I spent some time at the second hand store searching for costume accessories.  Hey, if I was going to hack my way through the song, at least I could look good doing it.  Second-hand stores are not on my normal shopping route, although with this economy I’m seriously reconsidering. I lucked out and went on “Blue Tag Monday”.  All blue tag items were 99 cents.  Unlike my sister, I’m a horrible bargain shopper.  I have a hard time seeing the value unless it’s regular price.  I think it’s a genetic predisposition to getting ripped off.    Consequently I ended up with only one blue tag item.

When I got home, I modeled my outfit for the kids.  To which Maddy said,

“Wow Mom, you look like a 50s trophy wife.  Keep it on until Dad gets home!”

Dinner had to be made and I felt pretty self conscious wearing pearls around my neck, a scarf around my head, and pink rubber gloves while browning the ground turkey.  So, I changed back into my jeans and sweatshirt.  I hung up my costume and set aside my accessories.  All except for one.

*

*

*

*

*

*

My 99 cent pair of reading glasses.

glasses

I kinda liked them.

Of course I couldn’t see a darn thing so I popped out the lenses and wore them out to the kitchen to make dinner.

And I wore them to eat dinner.

In fact I wore them all evening.

I’m wearing them right now!

I really like them!

It reminds me of the time when I was in 8th grade and I bought a pair of fake glasses and wore them to classes.  I felt cerebral.  Like I was taken a little more seriously.  Like I might get better grades if I looked like I should.  I think I might have even studied a little harder with those beauties on. If you stretched…just a little… maybe I could attribute my acceptance to BYU to my fake eyewear.  OK, that’s a stretch.

I haven’t had the courage to wear them out of my house yet, although I might give it a try down at our dinky supermarket in town.  I never see anyone I know there.  Probably because it always smells like old chicken and it’s reserved strictly as a last resort desperation destination.  (WHEN are they going to build the new grocery store, people!?!)

In the meantime I’ve come up with a list of situations when these lovely little glasses could come in handy:

  • At the library when faced with an extensive late fee bill.  “Ma’am, I’m quite certain I saw that book in the kid’s room just this morning.  I will bring it by when I bring back my copy of  “Man’s Search for Meaning”.
  • At the boy’s school.  “Why yes Mrs. H, I did homeschool the kids the last couple of years.  We studied marsupials extensively and I think you were wrong when you marked #3 incorrect.  A koala is indeed a marsupial.”
  • At the car dealer.  “I’m sorry.  I’m quite aware that the car industry is going through, shall we say, a serious crisis.  You got a better price for me Sir, or should I just leave now and stop wasting both our time?”
  • At Home Depot.  “Excuse me, would you be a doll and point me in the direction of the half inch Impact Wrenches with  Rocker Switches and  Detent Pin Socket Retention?”
  • At home when the door-to-door salesman comes by selling that magic spray in a bottle that I’ve been suckered into one too many times.  “I know what you’re doing here Mister!  You’ve got some illegally strong chemical in that bottle of yours that will take the siding off my house if I let you.  What I get in exchange for handing over my “Wicked Tickets Fund” is a diluted jug of lemonade that will frustrate me to no end as I rub my fingers bloody in an attempt to remove pencil doodles  from my delicate white wainscoting.  And there’s no way I’ll believe that all those forged signatures on your tattered list represent my gullible friends and neighbors.  No way, no how will I be suckered again!  And don’t come back!”

I apologize to anyone who really has to wear reading glasses.  The grass has always seemed greener on the other side of your fence.  I’m sure one day I’ll be able to hop on over and find out for myself.  But for now, I’ll take advantage of my 99 cent bargain! (That is, unless Maddy swipes them from me again.  What is she?  In 8th grade or something? Sheesh!)

Happy Thursday

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The Trainwreck…

Whew!  It’s OVER!

I’ll be more careful about accepting “thesbian service opportunities”  in the future.

As the curtain opened last night, who did I see but my husband and kids sitting in the back row…

With a CAMERA!

I was too consumed with nerves before I left to consider the possibility of my family coming to see what all my fussing was about.

So, the trainwreck was captured on film.

And just so you know I was not exaggerating about my lack of stage and singing skillz, here’s a snippet of last night’s “performance”.  The fact that I’m hard to hear is really just as well. Trust me. (I think the voice crack at the end of the song tops it all off, don’t you?)

Ahhhh well.  I’m just glad it’s over.

Back to life…

Happy Wednesday!

***************

A special thanks to Jamie over at Pineapples & Olives for this sweet award.  Even though she’s just getting started with her blog ,  she’s always generous with enthusiastic comments on mine.  Call me a comment glutton, but  I love anyone who’s generous with the comments.     Stop in and share a little encouragement with her.

Elaine over at A Wink and a Smile also bestowed this award on my humble blog.  Thanks Elaine!  She was one of my first bloggy friends when we discovered we had lots in common, including homeschooling.  Now, we have both taken the public school plunge once again.  Stop by her blog.  She’s facing  jaw surgery soon and could use a little comment love.

sisterhood-award1

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gong

I’m Going to He** in a handbasket…

Tonight…

At precisely 7:00…

On the stage of our church…

(Get there early for good seats)

It’s going to be a trainwreck.

The women of our church meet once a month on a Tuesday night for a little inspiration, instruction, and calorie-laden dessert.  This month our topic is cleaning and organizing.  I was asked to teach a mini-class on organization.  I deferred, claiming I’m not really very organized.  Truth be told, I’d rather stick a fork in my eyeball than speak in public.  So, she politely asked me if I’d be interested in playing a small  part in a skit instead.

Now, in my head I was picturing the monthly cub scout pack meeting skits.  You know, the 15 second spot where the boys pretend to eat trail mix and find out it’s really bunny droppings, or something along those lines. A quick skit with a line or two from all participants.

So, I said, “Sure, I’d be happy to help out…that doesn’t count as public speaking, right?”  With a glint in her eye and a polite smile she left.

I  took the copy of the skit and being the procrastinator that I am,  I set it aside.

I finally picked it up last week to read through.

HOLY TOLEDO!  My part is HUGE!  And, the worst part?

(drum roll….)

I have to sing!

SOLO!

A CAPELLA!

FREAKING OUT.  STILL.  A WEEK LATER!!!

I’d rather stick a fork, two knives, and a screwdriver in both eyes, naked, than sing in public!!! (OK, maybe not the naked part).  The last time I sang a solo?  Never.  Ever.  The last time I sang in a choir?  Never.  Ever.  The last time I sang in front of my family?  Last night. Because I had to practice. Whereupon I heard:

“Why did they pick you for this part?”

“Oh, you sound really baaaad, Mom”.

“Promise me you’ll never do that again.”

And the ultimate insult:

Dad sings better than you.” !!!

I’m not sure why she chose me for the part.  In real life I’m quiet and reserved and I’m a backseat kind of a girl.  Is she exacting her revenge on me for forgetting to bring the funeral potatoes to the last funeral?  Could be.  In any case, it’s too late to bow out.  I’m doomed.

As I’ve been contemplating this unfortunate fate of mine, I had to make a decision.

Do I mumble through the song quietly and timidly hoping nobody notices that I’m trying to sing and  run the risk of people thinking, “Wow, that was lame.”  Or do I power it out loudly in the spirit of William Hung, overly dramatic hand gestures and all,  and run the risk of people thinking, “Wow, I wonder if she actually thinks she’s a good singer“.

I’m going for the latter.  It will be a disaster either way.  At least this way, I’ll make a big impression and everyone will remember never to invite me to do anything on stage. Ever. Again.

So, if you get there tonight and I’m nowhere to be found, check for missing forks, knives and screwdrivers.  Maybe I’ll get lucky…

My script is calling…

Happy Tuesday!

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gong

I’m Going to He** in a handbasket…

Tonight…

At precisely 7:00…

On the stage of our church…

(Get there early for good seats)

It’s going to be a trainwreck.

The women of our church meet once a month on a Tuesday night for a little inspiration, instruction, and calorie-laden dessert.  This month our topic is cleaning and organizing.  I was asked to teach a mini-class on organization.  I deferred, claiming I’m not really very organized.  Truth be told, I’d rather stick a fork in my eyeball than speak in public.  So, she politely asked me if I’d be interested in playing a small  part in a skit instead.

Now, in my head I was picturing the monthly cub scout pack meeting skits.  You know, the 15 second spot where the boys pretend to eat trail mix and find out it’s really bunny droppings, or something along those lines. A quick skit with a line or two from all participants.

So, I said, “Sure, I’d be happy to help out…that doesn’t count as public speaking, right?”  With a glint in her eye and a polite smile she left.

I  took the copy of the skit and being the procrastinator that I am,  I set it aside.

I finally picked it up last week to read through.

HOLY TOLEDO!  My part is HUGE!  And, the worst part?

(drum roll….)

I have to sing!

SOLO!

A CAPELLA!

FREAKING OUT.  STILL.  A WEEK LATER!!!

I’d rather stick a fork, two knives, and a screwdriver in both eyes, naked, than sing in public!!! (OK, maybe not the naked part).  The last time I sang a solo?  Never.  Ever.  The last time I sang in a choir?  Never.  Ever.  The last time I sang in front of my family?  Last night. Because I had to practice. Whereupon I heard:

“Why did they pick you for this part?”

“Oh, you sound really baaaad, Mom”.

“Promise me you’ll never do that again.”

And the ultimate insult:

Dad sings better than you.” !!!

I’m not sure why she chose me for the part.  In real life I’m quiet and reserved and I’m a backseat kind of a girl.  Is she exacting her revenge on me for forgetting to bring the funeral potatoes to the last funeral?  Could be.  In any case, it’s too late to bow out.  I’m doomed.

As I’ve been contemplating this unfortunate fate of mine, I had to make a decision.

Do I mumble through the song quietly and timidly hoping nobody notices that I’m trying to sing and  run the risk of people thinking, “Wow, that was lame.”  Or do I power it out loudly in the spirit of William Hung, overly dramatic hand gestures and all,  and run the risk of people thinking, “Wow, I wonder if she actually thinks she’s a good singer“.

I’m going for the latter.  It will be a disaster either way.  At least this way, I’ll make a big impression and everyone will remember never to invite me to do anything on stage. Ever. Again.

So, if you get there tonight and I’m nowhere to be found, check for missing forks, knives and screwdrivers.  Maybe I’ll get lucky…

My script is calling…

Happy Tuesday!

Read Full Post »

"Luke…I am your Fahtah"…

I never thought I’d have boys, let alone three of them.  They are all completely different and extraordinary and challenging and perplexing and fascinating in their own ways.  One of them could spend the entire day at home making Legos and claymation movies.  One thinks the ideal school day would involve NO recess.  And the last one breathes, dreams, and lives all things…

STAR WARS!!!

jedi-will

calendar

books

wills-bed

As a child of the 70s and 80s I remember when the first three Star Wars movies came out.  In fact I think I celebrated my 7th birthday with a few of my friends in the theater watching the original.  Since my childhood, apparently three more Star Wars movies (not including the Clone Wars) have been released.  I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied with life and kids and adulthood to know anything about these last three movies.  Will received the entire collection from his dad for his 4th birthday and has been …shall we say … a little obsessed ever since.

Since he and I hang out on a regular basis, I’ve been on the receiving end of much Star Wars trivia this last year.  I’ve become intimately  familiar with Darth Maul, General Grievous, Padme, Jar Jar Binks,  Count Dooku, Jango Fett and Boba Fett, just to name a few.  I can’t say I’m a fan of these last three movies.  I rather prefer the original pair of Chewbacca and Han Solo.  And truth be told, The Notebook would be my first choice any day.  But be it as it may, since Will is such a fan, I’ve developed a soft spot in my heart for Anakin Skywaker (“who was good and was a pod racer liked Padme and trained to be a Jedi but turned to the dark side and got evil and turned into Darth Vader who is a bad guy”).

Here’s a quick glimpse at what I get to listen to all day long as I hang out with my favorite Jedi Master wannabe…


Hope your weekend was Wonderful!

Read Full Post »

“Luke…I am your Fahtah”…

I never thought I’d have boys, let alone three of them.  They are all completely different and extraordinary and challenging and perplexing and fascinating in their own ways.  One of them could spend the entire day at home making Legos and claymation movies.  One thinks the ideal school day would involve NO recess.  And the last one breathes, dreams, and lives all things…

STAR WARS!!!

jedi-will

calendar

books

wills-bed

As a child of the 70s and 80s I remember when the first three Star Wars movies came out.  In fact I think I celebrated my 7th birthday with a few of my friends in the theater watching the original.  Since my childhood, apparently three more Star Wars movies (not including the Clone Wars) have been released.  I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied with life and kids and adulthood to know anything about these last three movies.  Will received the entire collection from his dad for his 4th birthday and has been …shall we say … a little obsessed ever since.

Since he and I hang out on a regular basis, I’ve been on the receiving end of much Star Wars trivia this last year.  I’ve become intimately  familiar with Darth Maul, General Grievous, Padme, Jar Jar Binks,  Count Dooku, Jango Fett and Boba Fett, just to name a few.  I can’t say I’m a fan of these last three movies.  I rather prefer the original pair of Chewbacca and Han Solo.  And truth be told, The Notebook would be my first choice any day.  But be it as it may, since Will is such a fan, I’ve developed a soft spot in my heart for Anakin Skywaker (“who was good and was a pod racer liked Padme and trained to be a Jedi but turned to the dark side and got evil and turned into Darth Vader who is a bad guy”).

Here’s a quick glimpse at what I get to listen to all day long as I hang out with my favorite Jedi Master wannabe…


Hope your weekend was Wonderful!

Read Full Post »

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